Recovery isn't about flipping a switch and being fixed. It's about understanding what's driving the behavior, building real coping skills, and making progress — not perfection.
Recovery that goes deeper than willpower
I gave up on the idea of flipping a switch and being “fixed.” Instead, I embrace small incremental change. Every step in the right direction counts — even tiny ones.
“Recovery isn't about never falling. It's about getting back up each time.”
Traditional recovery uses day counting. I prefer cumulative tracking. If you have three years, a lapse doesn't reset to zero — it's like a stack of cards where one card just doesn't get added.
“This reduces the 'fuck it, might as well milk the slip-up' mentality.”
Take what works, leave what doesn't — without judgment. You don't need to buy the whole menu. Try 12-step for community but skip the religious language? That's valid.
“If you get to some eggs that don't look tasty, you don't need to spit in the container. You just don't take it.”
Whether you call yourself an “alcoholic,” a “person in recovery,” or nothing at all — it's up to you. Labels should be useful tools, not mandatory identities.
“There's no intrinsic rationality to labels. It's about whether you find usefulness in them.”
No “higher power,” no “powerlessness,” no shame. Evidence-based tools that address what's actually driving the behavior.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy
Motivational Enhancement Therapy
Practical skills you'll learn and use
Set goals so achievable you have 95% confidence you'll hit them. When you miss, set the bar even lower next time. Small wins build momentum.
Examples:
A = Activating Event (what happened), B = Belief (what you told yourself), C = Consequence (how you felt/acted). Change B to change C.
Examples:
Before making a choice, imagine every moment from now through the consequences. You can't skip ahead — you live through every consequence.
Examples:
Four strategies for managing cravings: Delay, Escape, Avoid, Distract. Cravings typically pass in 3-15 minutes.
Examples:
Additional tools in your recovery toolkit
Externalize your craving as a separate character. Name it, give it an accent. This creates distance and perspective.
Write a message to your future self explaining why you're making this change. You'll have a time-stamped record for difficult moments.
“I'll do something, then while I'm doing it, I have to do this next thing.” Keep stacking small delays until the craving passes.
How you communicate your decision matters. If you seem confident about not drinking, people respect it. If you seem uncertain, they'll push.
The tighter your expectations, the more likely you'll be disappointed. Hold expectations loosely to reduce emotional volatility.
Structured reflection exercises, often in writing. Having written records creates “time capsules” to revisit later.
Ways of understanding recovery that make abstract concepts concrete
Emotional regulation skills weaken when substances do the regulating for you. "My psychiatrist told me my emotional regulation muscles had atrophied." You can rebuild them.
Social circles contract in recovery — bar friends disappear, old connections fade. You need to actively rebuild. It doesn't happen automatically.
Holidays are danger zones where multiple triggers converge. Family stress, social pressure, nostalgia — prepare accordingly.
You can't skip tracks in life. With vinyl or cassette, you must listen to everything. Before choosing to use, consider: which record do you want to play all the way through?
Progress is cumulative. A slip doesn't knock down the whole stack — just delays adding the next card. Your foundation remains.
The best way to understand my approach is to experience it. Start with a free consultation or join a weekly meeting.